Honestly...

You'd think that on an 8000 student campus, I wouldn't feel lonely. Sure, I'm six hours from home, but I have really good friends here. So where are they? I found myself wandering around campus last night and there was literally no one around. No one was answering my texts. I was left alone with my subconscious and God. And I guess it was good to have some alone time to rearrange and sort through my thoughts, but I hate being alone. It's a really big fear of mine.

I don't really know, but it's just a really strange feeling being alone. Part of me hating it is because it makes me feel powerless. I like to think that I can take care of myself, but I've had so much support lately that as soon as I was without it, I felt helpless. Being alone means that all the things bothering me have to the power to overtake me. I had no one to talk to except the open air, and a God I can't see or physically touch except the creation that is around me.

Is it just that I haven't been keeping in touch with other people well? Am I the one not trying? Or all we all just busy? I think part of it is that when I'm not around people I know, I don't feel like I fit in here. There are very few people I click well with, and as soon as they are gone, I'm afraid to approach anyone else. Or maybe I don't know who I am, and I just become someone people can accept when I'm around them. Either way, I'm lonely.

But I'm done trying to find solace in places that will just destroy me in the end. But is it wrong of me to want some comfort while I walk on this earth? Yes, I know, we are to fill that void with God because he is the greatest comforter, he is the greatest love story and is with those in need. I am done finding comfort in all the wrong places, but now I yearn for a whole and godly relationship, but it eludes me. I know that if I wait I will be rewarded...but as this loneliness overtakes me I find it harder and harder to wait. Friends can never fill the place in the heart reserved for love. God can, but I am still human. Or is that just an excuse?

I just can't shake this empty feeling. I am without my support system here, and home is far away. Really...is this some kind of test to see if I will fail? I won't. I won't give in but it won't stop this feeling.

Relationship, Not a Religion

You've probably been asked this question before:

"So what religion are you?"

I've always answered Christian, but I've never understood completely until this year that what I have with God is a relationship, not just a religion. Consider the definition of religion from Dictionary.com.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/religion

It's basically a set of beliefs and practices. Do you ever feel like maybe that's not all there is to Christianity? God teaches that He doesn't just want us to read the Bible and sing and go to church - He wants us to get to know Himself and talk to Him and listen to what He says. Doesn't that sound like a relationship?

Consider 1 John 1:3
"That you may also have fellowship with us; and truly our fellowship is with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ."
-Fellowship entails a relationship. It requires talking and socializing. When it says that our fellowship is with the Christ, it means that we must also be talking and socializing with him. This is why we pray to God; it is our way of communicating with Him and building our relationship. You can't have a good relationship with one of your friends if you don't talk to them, right?

Isaiah 59:2
"But your iniquities have separated you from your God."
-Our sin separates us spiritually from God, though, so how can we have a relationship with someone we are separated from?

John 3:16
"For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life."
-God desires a relationship with us. He offers forgiveness and new eternal life WITH Him if we believe and put all our faith in Him. Even though we have sinned and we are separated from Him, if we acknowledge this and accept Christ as our Savior, He takes us in and offers a way to Himself just because he loves us that much. How do we get to this place?

Romans 10:9
"If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved."
-If we believe that God died on the cross to save our sins and open a way to Himself for us, we will be saved and able to have a direct relationship with God. Think of it this way...if you have ever wronged someone, you may have felt ashamed and unworthy of their friendship. But, if that person offers forgiveness to you and loves you, why would you turn away that friendship? We have all sinned against God and feel unworthy of His love, but He came down to this earth to die for our sins that we might see how powerful his forgiveness and love for us is. Why should we not accept that? No one of this earth can offer such a love, and I sure don't want to miss out.

So pray. Worship. Spend time with God and get to know Him. If you have accepted Him as your Savior, talk to him. He loves you and wants you to be closer to Him...and someday He wants you to spend eternity with Him in heaven.

Caralee

Starting Over

So, it's been like half a year since I've even looked at this blog, but I think it's time to start again. First off, I'd like to redo the "About Me" post. Things have changed, and a lot has happened in these six ish months. I'll get into that another time, but first. About me.
I am a 19 year old sophomore at Slippery Rock University of Pennsylvania. I love God above anything else - at least that is what I am striving for. I also love country music, dubstep, alternative punk, and Christian rap. You're probably like, umm, none of those really go together, but you'll have to deal with that. I still don't like cheese puffs, and if I could eat anything in the world forever, it would be gushers. Food is still my worst enemy and best friend. But I've learned to balance how much time I spend with it haha.
I have the bestest friends in the whole wide world right now and I really don't think I could have gotten to where I am today without them. You know who you are :).
I am still majoring in Journalism, but minoring in Biology or Environmental Issues is probably not what's gonna happen. I would really like to work as a Journalist in Missions. I love to travel and I want to spread the word of God while using the skills I have and will learn here at college. Writing is just one passion of mine and I know that God will use it some way for the rest of my life. I would totally love to be a real life Tomb Raider and just adventure, or work as a Travel Journalist for National Geographic, but I want to make a difference in the world. How will just writing and taking pictures ever do much? I want to get down to the real issues and help to change them, and document the process.
Soo, that's all I can think of so far. Hopefully I'll be back soon. No more waiting for six months to write again!

Caralee